Slip and slide bank robber

  Dwayne owes several thousand dollars on three credit cards and his car payments are almost two months behind. He needs money. Now.
  He decides the best way to raise money is to rob a bank. That’s what the famous bank robber, Willie Sutton did. Dwayne seems to forget that Sutton spent most of his adult life in prison.
  Dwayne makes plans. He selects a bank that’s far away from the nearest police station. He’ll hit the bank at four in the afternoon. That’s shift change time for the cops. He doesn’t have a gun but he’ll use something more effective than a firearm--an explosive!
  Dwayne visits the bank several times around four in the afternoon, as what he considers a “dry run.”
  Now it’s the appointed day. Dwayne parks close to the bank. He closes the car’s trunk on a bath towel so part of the towel hangs over the rear license plate. He saw that once in a movie. He doesn’t remember that the bank robbers in that film were all killed or captured.
  Into the bank goes Dwayne, marching up to a teller window holding a glass vial in his hand. “This tube contains nitroglycerin,” Dwayne announces, “anybody make a false move and I’ll blow up the bank--you hear me?”
  The nervous teller replies, “But you’ll blow up with the rest of us!”
  That response isn’t part of Dwayne’s plan. Unnerved by the teller’s smart-alecky remark, Dwayne realizes he’s not cut out for bank robbery. The frustrated bomber says, “Okay, then we’ll all blow up,” and he tosses the glass vial on the marble floor.
  Everbody cringes--but there’s no explosion. There’s only the sound of breaking glass as a pale yellow liquid spreads across the floor.
  Dwayne decides to make a run for it. His mistake is running through the spilled nitro, except it’s not nitro, it’s canola cooking oil. Of course the fleeing would-be bank robber slips and falls, hitting his head on the marble floor, knocking himself unconscious.
  And that’s the way the cops find him--unconscious and smelling like a salad. Failed attempt or not, it’s still bank robbery and Dwayne will do time in a federal pen, just like Willie.