October 25, 2009

Eye witness on the telephone

  This story comes from a cop friend who swears it’s true: The phone rings during suppertime and Glen, my retired cop buddy, picks up the phone.
  The caller asks, “Is this Lamar Rosen?”
  “Who’s calling?” asks Glen. The caller, a telemarketer, says he’s from Ajax Pharmaceuticals.
  Next Glen asks the telemarketer, “Do you know Lamar Rosen personally? Why are you calling him?”  Then Glen says, away from the phone, “Be sure to get photos of several angles of the body and don’t forget to spray Luminol for blood stains.”
  The telemarketer responds in a trembling voice, “What, sir? I don’t understand about photos and...blood.”
  Glen is now back to the telephone conversation when he advises the telemarketer he must remain on the line because he has entered a murder scene. “Stay on the line because we’ve already traced this call to you and you’ll be expected to testify at a murder trial as a material witness.
  Then Glen demands the caller’s full name, address and cell phone number. Then he asks the caller -- whose voice is very shaky -- if he can account for his whereabouts during the past 12 hours.
  Then as a coup de grace, Glen adds this: “Through the use of our Global Positioning Satellite system we’ve located your position and 12 members of our SWAT team are preparing to enter your building. Drop your weapons and place your hands on top of your head!”
  On the other end of the line Glen hears only the sound of a phone bouncing on the floor. Returning to the supper table to cold soup, Glen’s wife asks, “Who was that?”
  “Nobody. Just a wrong number.”
  Editor’s note: I don’t recommend that you try this at home. If you’re getting annoying phone calls, register your telephone number with the government’s do-not-call registry, on the internet:
  Within a month your telemarketing calls should stop.  

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