April 05, 2009

Drilling his way to the big house

  The late Paul Harvey once told the story of Tabachi, the ne’er-do-well son of an executive who wanted to enjoy the pleasures of life but without the labor it takes to earn them.
  This young man decided he’d withdraw money from the bank, but not in the usual way. He’d make a late night withdrawal which would be less of a risk than a daytime robbery.
  Tabachi made several transaction at the bank, after which he drew sketches, including the location of the bank’s vault. He also surveyed businesses on either side of the bank, noting that Jerry’s Bakery was a next door neighbor.
  With all the necessary information on hand, Tabachi was ready to execute his plan. All business on the block were closed on Sundays, so early one Sunday night Tabachi forces the lock on the rear door of Jerry’s Bakery.
  Once inside, he takes careful measurements from the front wall of the bakery to the back wall. Comparing his sketches, Tabachi marks the spot where he’ll begin drilling -- drilling through the bakery wall and into the bank’s vault. Or so he thinks.
  The drilling and digging is a slow and painstaking process. So intense is Tabachi’s operation that he doesn’t realize how much noise he’s making. Several passersby call the cops.
  Tabachi is in such deep concentration with his drilling that he doesn’t see cops creeping up behind him with handcuffs. He’s arrested for burglary.
  Later in jail, Tabachi asks a detective why he isn’t charged with safe cracking which is a much more serious offense.
  “Safe cracking?” says the detective. “Why would we charge you with safe cracking? You were drilling your way into the bank’s ladies’ restroom!”

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