January 23, 2011

Busted in a Skyjack

  Olin leaves the jobsite to get lunch for the other guys. He goes to the convenience store in a Skyjack aerial lift—a vehicle similar to a fork-lift except it has a platform which the operator can lower and raise to a desired height.
   Olin has purchased lunch for the guys back at the jobsite, including a case of beer, and is returning to his workplace when a deputy sheriff flags him over.
  “What’re you doing riding on a public road in that thing?” asks the deputy.
  With impaired speech, Olin replies,”I’m just going back to the job with lunch for my buddies.”
   “Does that include the beer?” asks the deputy.
  Frustrated, Olin says, “Oh man, can’t you just leave me alone? I ain’t hurtin’ nobody. I’m just going back to the job.”
  “Step down out of the Skyjack!” the deputy orders.
  “No, sir!” is Olin’s response. “I ain’t comin’ down.”
  The deputy is insistent and again orders Olin to “come down from the Skyjack.”
  Now Olin becomes belligerent saying, “I ain’t comin’ down,” as he raises the Skyjack platform to its highest level. “Why don’t you just come up here and get me.”
  The deputy repeatedly orders Olin to lower the Skyjack but the intoxicated operator keeps refusing as he comments, “I know my rights. I pay your salary. What do you think of that?”
  Meanwhile, the deputy is on his two-way radio calling for backup. Minutes later a technician shows up with a wrench. At the base of the Skyjack the tech loosens a bolt and drains the hydraulic fluid out of the vehicle and the platform makes a gradual decent.
  The deputy climbs onto the platform, turns Olin around and handcuffs him. Olin moans, “Careful you don’t spill my beer! Oh man, what’d you do that for—them things hurts my wrists.”
  The deputy answers, “That’s because they’re new. They’ll feel better as they get older.”
  Of course, Olin does not drive the Skyjack back to the jobsite and the work crew does not get their case of beer. Olin is busted for DUI.

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