October 12, 2008

Stupid is as stupid does

  It's nearly dawn when the deputy spots the car on the side of the road. There are 13 bullet holes on the left side of the Chevy four-door. The back seat is soaked with blood.

  Running the car's tag through the computer reveals the owner lives nearby. It's 3 a.m. The deputy and his sergeant knock on the front door. A little guy wearing briefs and a tee-shirt opens the door. He admits right away the shot-up car belongs to him.

  He tells the deputies he was driving home after having "a bit too much" to drink. "A deer ran out and I smacked him dead center," the guy says. He says he dragged the deer to the back of the car. "He looked dead to me, but I didn't drive 50 feet before that sucker came back to life and tore up my car. I opened the back door and he liked to run over me."

  The sleepy-headed guy says it upsets him when he thinks about how that deer "ruint my car." Starting to wake up now, the little guy is excited and seems to enjoy telling his story:

  "I reach into the glove box where I keep my 9mm. It's a Taurus. Holds 15 rounds — 16 with one in the chamber. I let her rip and empty the whole clip into my poor old messed up car. Even shot out two tires."

  Looking a bit sheepish, he adds, "I know it sounds kinda dumb, 'cause then I had to walk home."

  The guy finishes his story with a nervous laugh: "But I guess I showed that stupid deer — he ain't the only one knows how to mess up a car."

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